Open if you love to laugh.
Have you ever had one of those mornings that is such a complete dumpster fire, you contemplate even continuing the day and, instead, wish you could hole up in a snuggie (circa 2010) with hot cheetos and cream cheese watching reruns of Sex in the City?
Is that just me? 👀🥴🤦♀️
I had one of those days yesterday. And while it wasn't as bad as the horrible morning I had last year that involved a vomiting child, puppy diarhhea, and loads of other really fun morning activities (trigger warning: don't listen to this story while eating, the visuals will distrub you)… it was just equally as annoying.
It all started bright and early, Tuesday April 4th at 6:30am. I woke up bright and early to get the gremlins ready and off to school. What isn't mentioned is the fact that we TOOK OUR CHILDREN TO THE FINAL FOUR CHAMPIONSHIP GAME IN HOUSTON THE NIGHT BEFORE 🥲
Why am I talking in all caps? Because what parent in their right, ever-living mind takes their nearly 4 and 9 year old children to a basketball game with 72,000 people nearly 45 mins away that ends at 10pm on a school night?
Hi, it me 🙋♀️ I am that parent (doing it for the core memories here people…)
We're exhausted. We're tired. I'm running on fumes. But as a way to just say f*ck me, we were out of coffee that morning too. I am one of those annoying-must-have-coffee-as-soon-as-their-lids-open-in-the-am-or-else kind of lady.
By 7:15am, we pack up, tired, decaffeinated, and make the 30 minute drive to child #1's school. (Child #2 is still asleep, Dad's responsibility now).
Here's where it gets even better. I made the downright disgusting mistake to eat at least 8 empanadas at the Final Four game Monday night (We were in a suite, and I swear to god the waiter kept making them appear on my plate, and I just couldn't stop stuffing them in my mouth).
Who knew empanadas were such a… diarrhetic? For lack of a better word 🥲
Here I am, dropping my daughter off at school, 30 minutes from home, and I am praying to the god of gods and all heaven and earth above to please, please, PLEASE not let me shit my pants 💩
I know this is my business newsletter, but come on. I know you've been there!!!!
I'm clenching my body harder than damn near child birth, so I can make it to the nearest Starbucks (I refuse to use the restroom in a gas station unless it is Buc-ee's or Stripes)
Thank GOD it wasn't worse. It was almost very, very bad 😂
While I'm at Starbucks, just shy of dodging a nightmare, I grab myself some espresso beans and make my way to the gym.
I'm on 6 hours of sleep, no coffee, just almost shit my pants, and walk into that 24 Hour Fitness with the mentality that I'm going to have THE most kickass workout of my life.
Are you shocked to find out that did not happen?
Instead, I walk into the gym and immediately feel my knees go weak because whatever was in those empanadas at the Final Four game WRECKED MY SOUL. Praise God for the team who designed 24 Hour Fitnesss because they blessed us with a handful of “private, family” restrooms where you can basically go to poop, cry, or take bomb selfies in privacy. (Can confirm I've done all three).
Right about now I was wishing my “go-bag” I keep in my gym bag full of necessities (such as hair ties, and deodorant, and Tic-Tacs) was magically full of ungodly amounts of pepto and Poo-Pourri.
I pulled through, got myself together, gave myself a 2-minute pep talk to quit being lazy and get this work out over worth, only to realize my pants were inside out.
And no, to your surprise, the tiny sports bra I was flaunting did not hide the fact that they were inside out. My hot girl walk turned into a 9am walk of shame real quick.
I packed up my things and said, “Lord, if you wanted me to stay home today, you didn't have to say it like this.”
Did I get that work out in? Absolutely not. Will I ever eat 18 mini beef empanadas in one sitting again? Absolutely not ever. Hopefully.
There is no magic story for today. I'm not converting my misshaped morning into a sales pitch about my newest offer.
This is just a daily reminder that we all have shitty days (hopefully not literally shitty…) We all get down on our luck. We all have moments when we just feel like the world is burning around us.
No matter how cool the highlight reel is, no matter how “aesthetic” someone's life may seem, we're all humans dealing with the same problems, trying to navigate adulthood with zero idea of what's going on, faking it till we make it, and * crossing our fingers * we don't ever shit our pants in the car rider line.
Godspeed.
Show yourself some love today.
As always,
Taylor