I received this email on Monday morning, and it was probably the best ‘work’ email I’ve ever received:
And I don’t know what’s better? The fact that I was completely blindsided by the proposal itself or the fact that I had fake fangs on my teeth during the moment it happened and my fiancé (I’m totally loving saying that) was in a zebra pimp suit and fake Cuban links 😂
I used to think I was very “in the know.”
Like I’ve always felt I could sense things… or maybe correctly assume things based on my context clues.
Partially due to my people reading skills and the fact that I’m a good detector of “the vibes,” I usually expect things before they’re coming.
But I will tell you what I wasn’t expecting…
THIS DANG PROPOSAL THAT HAPPENED OVER THE WEEKEND.
Yes, I’m engaged!!! But you have to understand the full picture to 1) understand how monumental this is for us and 2) how ironic it is that we were a vampire pimp and ho for Halloween
We all know a little bit about my background by now. And if you don’t, you’ll be humored/shocked/amused to know I’m a divorcee. A young divorcee at that.
I got engaged at 18 to a boy I’d been dating for years, and after a whirlwind of a 6-year relationship, I burned my entire life to the ground (literally).
The story is extremely nuanced, and I talk about my experience often on my podcast, but what’s important to know is when I separated from my ex I was heavily involved in a religious community (like balls deep in Christianity). In a sense, the separation represented something so much deeper. It was truly a time of realizing I had zero idea who I really was or what I wanted out of life (in hindsight no 21-year-old knows the answer to that, but I digress…)
Being the obsessive-eras-girly that I am, my entire life at the time was intertwined with this identity I had wrapped up in a tight bow that included, church, godly wisdom, and pretty much acting as a 30-year-old at the age of 18.
I really thought I had it all figured out. Go to church, get married as a virgin (did that and don’t recommend), do as you’re told, the end. There wasn’t much wiggle room for experiences.
Looking back now, it’s wild how dependent I was on this facade I had built, and I watched as it all crumbled around me shortly after my first semester of art school.
Before I knew it (just a short few months after separating from my ex), I was working at Nordstrom selling designer clothing in the day and partying my ass off at night.
Remember when I said I got ENGAGED at 18? That means at 16 I was attending bible study instead of hanging out with my high school friends. Instead of prom… I was going to pre-marriage counseling 😂 (if you need pre-marriage counseling, I don’t think you should be getting married).
So once the walls of my marriage and “church life” came down, whatever ounce of dignity I had was gone with the wind. I found myself at 22 working as a strip club bartender and realized I could make more money in one night getting people to drink alcohol than I could in an entire week at my “day job” making commission on clothes.
In hindsight I’d say it’s definitely not the path I’d wish for my own daughter… but what matters most is where the story converged👇
Josh, being the sexy single man he was, had stopped by the club on a few occasions, had some tequila shots, and would call it a night.
By divine chance, someone had introduced us, and I had continuously had him seated in my section a few times while I was a cocktail waitress.
(I say divine chance because 1) with the amount of people that came to that club on a daily basis, it was rare to see some of them ever again. Let alone stay connected by any means and 2) I was NOT in the market for a boyfriend, let alone even a fling. I was so deep in living my best party life and still riding the emotional wave of my very public, very painful religious divorce, that I promised myself I would wait at least a year before I even THOUGHT about a romantic relationship.
Until I met Josh.
He was mysterious. And quiet. And handsome. And quite honestly, I got nervous in his presence, which never happened to me, let alone in front of men at a club.
I categorized most men at the club as one of two things:
They were either a) unhappy in their relationship/life and needed a way to escape or b) they weren’t responsible for a whole lot else at the time and wanted to have fun. Either way, I wasn’t trying to get in the mix with any of that considering the shit and turmoil I had just endured.
But Josh was neither of those things. In fact, one night, I sat down at his table, ate chicken nuggets in front of him, and asked him why he had a little ketchup bottle on his shirt (come to find out it was a 40s & Shorties shirt and that was definitely not a ketchup bottle) 😂
I ended up learning he was a single dad with full custody, and a hard worker, and all of a sudden, I was infatuated with him. His eyes, his beard, all of it was giving me the hots.
On one particular night, being the bold and brave woman I’ve always been… we had a moment, a kiss was exchanged, and I forcibly put my number in his phone. I then proceeded to TEXT MYSELF in front of him (aggressive much?) and told him we’d be in touch.
And in touch, I was… approximately the next day (god I cringe thinking about this 😂) I texted him, told him we should go on a date, and a few nights later I found myself on our first date at Moxie’s.
You could say I’ve always been an initiator 😉
I can’t say I’m not shocked he didn’t think I was absolutely nuts by the end of the night… I somehow managed to convince him to go out to the bar with me and my friends after our date, to which he complied, and then after that, we went to not one but TWO strip clubs just for funsies.
Once unhinged… always unhinged 🫠
The rest, as they say, is history.
After that night, we were inseparable. A few weeks later I met his family for an NFL fantasy draft party, and that day sitting outside by the pool, he told me he wanted to be exclusive. And so did I.
That was August 8th of 2018.. by Thanksgiving we were pregnant (completely unprepared for that one), and by December I had quit my job at the club and secured a job at a “respectable place of business for a pregnant woman.” By the summer of 2019, we were living together, preparing for our son, while I was learning to be a stepmom and business owner and a slightly less unhinged version of myself.
And now, we’re here 5 FREAKING YEARS LATER…
5 years of running my business and simultaneously loving someone who caught my entire life by surprise.
We made it here.
If you’d ask me why I want to get married it’s not because of holy matrimony and some kind of divine belief. It’s because when I was (in my mind) completely unloveable, he saw every beautiful detail in me. He accepted all my baggage, and willingly, has loved me through every version of me in the past 5 years.
He’s supported me through panic disorder, and loss, and my insane hustle in my early years of business to every body change, and pregnancy, and postpartum depression. He’s encouraged me to be exactly me – nothing more and nothing less.
In my book? That deserves to be celebrated. It deserves to be set in stone. And more importantly, he deserves my public commitment to be all those things he’s been for me, forever.
This story doesn’t have a secret marketing point I’m trying to make or an extremely encouraging life lesson I want to remind you of.
I’m sharing this because even in our darkest days, there is a beautiful story waiting on the other side.
As I always like to say, we can make beauty from ashes.
And I know my story is a testament to that.
I’m turning the pages of this story, this chapter, and feel an insane amount of gratitude that the Taylor I was then is just as loved as the Taylor I am now.
I’m feeling an immense sense of wonder as I realize those choices I made (as un-proud of some of them as I am now) were exactly where I was supposed to be to get me here. To lead me to this man. This life. This story.
And for you? Wherever you are right now, whether you’re living in the best moments of your life or the worst, there’s another chapter to your story too.
5 years from now, you’ll be looking back on your own journey watching as all the dots connect, watching as your story unfolds into something better and sweeter than you can possibly imagine.
You may not end up meeting your soulmate at a strip club (but if you do more power to you), but you will find yourself realizing what comes down, must go up. And life is a series of circles that will always come back around.
So thanks for being here, for celebrating and cheering me on. I hope my words remind you that your story is being told right now. Let’s make the most of it.
**** And lastly, here’s a cheer to all the ho’s turned housewives. Mama, we made it!! 😂
Show yourself some love today.
You’ve earned it.
As always,
Taylor Torres (soon to be Hedden).